talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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