Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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