Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
