Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
