just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
