so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
