So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize