Moan for me like Helen Keller
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
