jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
