he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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