Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I am naked and annoyed.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
