somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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