Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
