so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
