I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
