Me. At least after what I've been through.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
