sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize