Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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