I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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