I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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