if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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