Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
vagina is talking i cant
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
