Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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