chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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