yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
