remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
