Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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