I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
