and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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