Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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