oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
