If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
