you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If I die, sorry about rent.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
