I must be too annoying 4 u.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
