Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize