they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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