I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize