cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
