Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Green mimosas i think yes
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Text me some of your sweat
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
