He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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