D3 body, D1 cock
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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