I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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