We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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