OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
