there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
