I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
