Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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