I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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