dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
