GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize