Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize