What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
