haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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