i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
