I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
