I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
