I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
