dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
