She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
organizing the empties. That sober.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize